I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
