who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
