I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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