I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
