My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
