So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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