I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
