he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
