It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
