One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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