sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
