And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How external is "for external use only"?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
