There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
