i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
