Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
