Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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