dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
