i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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