Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
