you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
