Acid is not a monday night drug
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
