Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
