Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize