i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
