I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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