I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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