Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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