Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
