My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize