i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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