i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
