dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
