we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
