he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
