Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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