i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
