I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
