It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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