i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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