I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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