saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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