Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love you.
Bad choice
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