I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We got so high we made milksteak
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize