i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
