but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
