found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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