Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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