I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize