i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
