I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
