i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
