Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
