Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
