are you so shy because you have an std?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you had me at cake vodka
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
