I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
