One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
