Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
