did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
PANTIES FOUND
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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