did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
