I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
