real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
