whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
