This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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