like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
