she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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