I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize