I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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