And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
