he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
