A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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