Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
