Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
