Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
