so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
