Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
