So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize