The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
